Cancer Conscious

Along with my Ph.D. studies, i was in a big way into writing articles, syndicated all over the South  of India, and Orissa, for newspapers in English. I wrote a few series as well. I wrote, a few articles on women and psychiatry, for example. Yet another series that I attempted dealt with cancer and women.

It was quite some experience. Well, cancer is in a way an auto-immune disease. It is as if your body rebels against you. There was this lady who first had breast cancer. Luckily she had noticed the symptoms quite at the right time. It was hence at an early enough stage. Apparently, it got cured. It re-surfaced yet again, but it could be controlled with chemo, and so on.

Later, she developed uterine cancer. Her uterus had to be removed, and due to certain complications, even the breasts. Of course, as per the medical thinking these days, there was a breast re-constuction, too. I can understand it if it is for absolutely medical reasons. Apparently, the reason behind breast re-constuction is a woman's self perception, and that i do have a problem  with. Such 'pre-conceptions' lead to body shaming and trolling if one is very fat, for example. 

Her reaction was interesting. When she had to remove both the uterus and the breasts, she said she felt less a woman. This is the way, women are perceived, the body image, even in the face of calamity.

Sure, times are indeed tough for women. They still continue to be their looks, their body. What was so apparent was the fact that these public perceptions are so intensely internalised by women themselves that even when suffering from the dreaded disease, the "look" continued to matter even for a well educated, extremely upper class woman. That is the real cancer indeed! What say?

Pratima@Being looks conscious even in the face of a dreaded disease is the real cancer gnawing at women and their self perceptions!

A poem

 Pure as rain bathed trees

 Often shimmering like a mist covered plain 

 Each time appears anew

 My poetic inspiration!

Pratima@ A poem should be as rare/as the rainbow in the arms of a larger one!

Quoting Womenfolk

 Whenever a man harasses a woman, a typical question gets asked which quotes, which refers to  womenfolk who are his relations, be it his mother, be it his sister, be it his wife, be it his daughter, be it the cousin, and so on. At times, when the issue is indeed grave and serious, even the grandma is remembered! 

However sad such a quoting is, it may/need not always shame the villain, especially when the man concerned is a shameless crook. In fact, it may even be maintained, though every generalisation is always problematic, that men who harass other women not related to them would most probably have a problematic female relationship in their intimate circle. 

It could be an overbearing mother reducing him to a mamma's boy  or a bossy wifey on whose maika ka monies the poor soul depends for survival, and hence has to bear her bad behaviour every which way , i suppose.

Having a harridan at home is no excuse, however, to harass other absolutely innocent women, however much a contrast they might be to the horrid harpy of a hag back at home, right? It is always such unhappy men, whose womenfolk would be up to no good every possible way, who would bother, ill-treat other women

By contrast, men, whose womenfolk are a s(up)port, would never need to quote or harass anybody else's sister or mother. The best example of my assertion could be Shivaji Maharaj. Since he had an exemplary mother like Jijabai and an ideal wife like Saibai and a good sister, too, he never ill-treated any woman. Even when the most beautiful daughter-in-law of the Kalyan subhedar was ''available"to him, he sent her away with respect, her dignity intact. I can quote any number of such wonderful men in folk themes to literature to real life.

In brief, home is where good or bad behaviour is reared! 'Ghare' is always 'bahire'!.

Pratima@ Home is where the (he)art of decent behaviour is/begins!

Despise if you dare!

 Remember Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice? In the initial Longbourn chapters in the novel, there is a very interesting scene. In a party, Elizabeth guesses that if she is invited as a dance partner, it is to mock her, to deride her, to consciously belittle her. She rejects that invite stating openly that she has seen through the game. The title of this blog is a take off on her parting shot.

In real life, facts are stranger than fiction. Let me give you a few examples. If the person, for example, who apparently has the power to pass the work involved, starts yaking about how the person passed some one else's work, nay, even managed the very draft in seven days, because that person provided "every thing", what would be the deep structure of this message?

Suppose one's so called relatives are not exactly happy that one is progressing, doing well, and hence go out of their way, no holds barred, money, gossip, scandals, all sorts of favours extended to some crook or the other to trap one? What if one is so horribly straightforward that one does not even recognise such behind-the-back contraptions for quite some time? How many times does one walk in to mazes!?!The worst problem, moreover, is that there is no proof against such subtle viciousness!

Suppose one has come up with a good, unique insight, and is working on it real well, and suppose behind one's back that very insight is provided to someone else because they all are in cahoots? One is informed about this subtle sleigh of hand out of the blue. One confronts the people concerned. Answers can hardly be satisfactory. One is pressurised for further material. People are spying on the books one reads. Little bits of such information reach all sorts of people. For whom? For the advantage of the person to whom one's idea is passed on?

In other words, there is a very subtle, indirectly woven conspiracy behind one's back. What does one do? Walk in to it? Be victimised in multiple ways? Or dare such hypocrites and their hyper powerful mafia to despise? Either ways, one is victimised. Either ways, for no fault of one, one would face countless difficulties and huge losses! 

Such sick games get played everywhere. Suppose there is a singing group. One gets invited to sing by an elderly person whom one would not like to hurt. So, despite multiple difficulties, and even despite the mourning mood, one does a decent job of it. One sends the recording on time, and only when it is to be played, a technological error erupts. Nothing before, nothing after. Okay, none can help the technological hitch. How to ignore the conscious smirks and the uncontrolled/uncontrollable body language and facial expressions that tell the real tale? 

One knows perfectly well that all of these nefarious activities are conscious, taken up to please the powerful or to lick the feet, not to mention other ugly appendages, of the people whose favours are thus being returned at one's cost  so that those favour granters can appear to advantage by belittling one!

Sure one laughs at the cheap childish pettiness of it all. Sure one does pity the crookedness involved. How does one protect oneself from such traps? Especially as an intelligent, sensible, sensitive person, one has seen through the whole game? 

Well, anyways, one is such a small fry in the entire scenario that nobody would come to one's rescue either ways. People who care for one would indirectly support, but without getting their skin scorched. To begin with, one does not want them hurt or bothered in any way as one deeply cares for them. All that is great. Yet the main issue is unresolved, how to save oneself from such traps? Walk in to them knowingly, do one's best, get roasted live, or completely avoid the victimising thrown at one time and again?Each time look at it as a new learning experience?

Yes, this game is the greatest when a man, to hide to his personal and/or familial problems, spreads everywhere the good news that he is interested in one, though one has never shared a  simple handshake or a full cup of coffee with the grandee. But even the worst bugger on the road taunts one about being a loose "chudail", a "crazy nut" (what stupid lousy English, of course!). Yes, sure that reflects on these paid minions and their masters for sure. Yet again though, for no fault of one, one is in deep trouble. 

One cannot react in any way as one has seen live demos of how girls have been declared mad by the rich and the mighty. One would be accused of all sorts of imaginary and absolutely false crimes/scandals even by the oh-so-liberal-democratic-feminist gangs as such men(!) are their friends! These very worthies would be encouragement incarnate for extremely cheap floozies, known real well for their drink and dope ways,  whom they themselves, too, acknowledge to be so!

Tough times! True, in real life, as in literature, Darcy's are not dime a dozen. But one has to continue being an Elizabeth, saving oneself from all sorts of  Wickham's and Cousin Collins, quite a funny task indeed! Remember the end of Eliot's "Preludes"? "Wipe your hand across your mouth and laugh!"

Pratima@ One bears the Abhimanyu feel as one deeply loves one's parents and one's siblings. What else?

Harassment

 How to deal with downright crooks who continue forever to harass?

 After all, when do ridiculous fools get it in to their head that they are weird?

Rather, how long does one ignore the constant, undeserved ill treatment?

Are these crooks so thick skulled that they cannot understand that they are completely ignored?

Sympathy by strangers is not needed at all, but empathy by the near and dear ones matters a lot.

So many people want to side with the harassers so that they get their share of mollah, their slice of the pie!

Mentally challenged is surely the harasser, and his behaviour is no joke to be ignored forever.

Enough is never enough for the crooked monster! How to din it in his thick skull?

No is a no, when would the fool and his stupid followers understand?

Train you self to completely ignore the brute, one repeatedly makes from self the demand!

Pratima@ Harassment is harassment is harassment! Full stop!

Respect

 We have all seen most all performers touch the stage before stepping on it for the first time. The gesture appears as if they are bowing down to it. At times, it does look as if it is a mere ritual, and showy at that.

 Despite such oft repeated gestures, (classical) singers touching the earlobe at the mention of the guru or any other great singer, for example, and despite the 'drama', the 'acting' involved in it, that respect, however showy, makes us feel respect for the artist, right?

It seems Amitabh Bacchan removes his shoes while greeting his fans. In a way, that kind of respect is indeed much deserved as no performer can be totally complete without the audience, if not, the fans. Just as students are at the centre of  teaching, and a teacher has to respect this fact without pandering to their whims, a perfomer, too, has to respect the audience, however superb his art. A lovely symbiosis of an ideal give-n-take, right? Both ways it works, give respect and take respect, right?

In fact, i would like to go a step ahead, and maintain that showing respect, without licking anyone's feet, without lowering one's own self respect is indeed an art, and only genuine people, however a small fry they might appear to others, manage it.

Well, these days, the excessive exposure in the social media seems to belittle the allure, the charm, the mystique of respect, i feel. There are two sides to it, too. The YouTube videos can create many Eklavya's without the sincere dedicated practice for hours on end. One has to just create a smart video with so many editing, impact enhancing, photoshopping tools available. Often hence, veracity vanishes, and with it, respect, right?

Yet another aspect of this process is that respect vanishes when you see a person 24 by 7, and with warts, and all. Everything then appears false, an act put on, as in the multiple talent and reality shows fixed beforehand, and for reasons that hardly command respect, right?

Despite such horrible PR jobs, and false fandom, real respect for genuine talent never vanishes, what say? Market may maraud most everything, but never the genuine respect, given and taken. What say?

Pratima@ "Respect for ourselves guides our morals, while respect for others guides our manners," says Laurence Sterne, one of the most respected novelists in English.

The bestest Friend

 Who is our bestest friend? You may wonder why i am using such a double superlative? Sure, English does not allow it. May be, the Bard did use it. But that was some four hundred seventy years ago. Not permitted any longer. But he does deserve it, and, in fact, only it, the double superlative, in every description of his.

Yes, you guessed it right. I AM talking of the one and only him, the pet dog. What total dedication has he, and what infinite love! Let me give you a concrete example. My brother has a pet dog, Tasha. My brother loves him a lot, takes utmost care of him as if he were a child. 

And yet Tasha has reserved for me a corner of his huge large heart that pulsates in that small little body. Actually, what exactly do i do for him? Get him treats that he loves, and pet him a lot, chat with him most lovingly. Believe me, our meets together are hardly thrice or four times a year. And yet that small little being, a beagle, remembers every one of our activities together ever since he was a pup. 

Whence this huge fund of love? Such a small little brain and a tiny heart in comparison with that of a human being! Yet unbounden is the affection. So many qualities he has in abundance, love, affection, patience, loyalty, care of and concern for the master, benevolence, remembrance, the list can be almost endless. Huge is his joy when he welcomes you home. Honestly, at times, one feels pet dogs are much much nicer than many human beings. 

Believe me, he even communicates, talks with his tail, why he can make multiple types of sounds, too, but truly with his lovely eyes that go real round when he has to convey some special feel.  The curl of his warm body against one's legs, one's stomach or right next to your face  (as ten times during a night he would curl and re-wrap himself around your hand or feet) is simply divine. No wonder, if you were to re-read the word dog the other way round, it reads god!

Pratima@ Love animate and honest, without any demands, that is the canine pet!