September 26, it is today. Exactly six months ago, Aai succumbed to an early morning heart attack. Every second of that fateful day continues to gnaw at the conscious, subconscious, all possible, levels of my mind. Though time flies at a supersonic speed, literally there has not been a second since, when she has not been around in the form of her constant memories.
May be, because she had become so much of an integral part of my life for the last sixteen years and a half that it is now getting difficult to believe that she is not there. Since July 24, 2005, she has been there with me twenty four by seven. Earlier, when she could, she used to go to Raju's place for Gauri-Ganapati and to Sanju's for Diwali. Of late, that was not possible for her.
In fact, after she turned seventy-five, slowly but surely, her health started declining by the day. Often she had bouts of syncope or a minor transient ischemic feel. She would get back in a few minutes. But it must have pained her vastly inside, within her system.
Despite that. from March, 2014 to March, 2015, every Pournima/full moon day, she would see the moon as part of the sahastra chandra darshan. She continued it as much as possible in 2016 as well. But I admire her consistency and determination about it. In a way, I find it amazing that she was born on March 19, and passed away on March 26, or to put it the lunar month way, she was born on the Holi Pournima, and succumbed to a heart attack just a few days before it. Given the systematic, disciplined person she was, there has to be a meaning to it.
After 2010, she was more my daughter than the other way round. Literally, I have brushed her teeth, bathed her, cleaned her, fed her, everything a mother physically does for a baby, except that I could not lift her, and hold her like a baby in my arms. Why, I had to scold and discipline her, too, if she behaved like a stubborn kid!
And this daughter of mine was wonderful. Even at that age, she had a very structured day. She used to spend her day in wholesome activites. Never did she watch the meaningless serials mindlessly. She chatted, read her books, listened to songs, drew pictures as long as she could. Newspaper crossword riddles were her special favourite. The Covid Year pulled her down. She became listless, could not hear or see properly. She did not at all like the nasal feed since Januuary, 2021. Yet, her mind was sharp till the end, though she could not talk much, nor was she able to move herself from one side to the other easily. Her spirit was not diminished, but her body weakened by the day, what with decades old diabetes, hyper-tension and arthritis.
She had a thousand sterling qualities of head, heart and soul. Like Papa. And I am not saying it as a dutiful daughter, believe me. She was feisty, witty, sharp and intelligent, full of laughter and joy. She would never bitch about others. She hated injustice. She was compassionate and kind. She was hyper-sensitive. So she might appear a little senti and proud. But actually she was very just and considerate. Most of these qualities, she shared with Papa, too.
So, on this World Daughters Day, let me wish that this mother-turned-daughter of mine continues to enjoy the sepreme peace that she has attained after a very meaningful life lived with dignity.
pratima@ If daughters are God's gift, a mother-turned-daughter is a bliss!
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