The day after every major Chaturdashi, that is to say, the Four Major Ones, Ashadhi, Kartiki, Maghi and Chaitri, I used to prepare a Sweet, almost always, gavachi kheer ( a kind of wheat pudding) because Aai used to feel it would be the "parane" (celebrating the day after the fast). I indulged her always as Pandharpur was her 'Maher', and our birthplace, too. Indeed I never ever forget the fact that I was born at "Pandharpur"! That is an aside though. The wheat pudding, moreover, would be a treat to somebody like me, a person with a huge sweet tooth. I think, it reminded Aai of her Aai.
It was with that feel that I prepared the sweet, just a bowlful, today. On such occasions, I experience a curious emotion. One is almost performing a ritual in her memory, and yet I continue to feel that she is still very much there, may be, has just gone out for her singing class/her bhajan meet or, may be, to Raju-Sanju's place.
Yet again then, one is like a child lost at the fair, full of star attractions and yet absolutely lonely. I had once read/told Aai the Premchand story that dealt with this theme, a poor child who initially would want all the goodies in the fair, and when he was lost, his only wish was to be reunited with his parents. I discussed the symbolism in the story, too, how the fair is the world with loveliest attractions, while the final wish would be a reunion with parents, the God figure.
Memories! Eternal they are. Never leave you alone for a moment. They are both, very much desired, and yet hauntingly hurtful. Life goes on, and yet is a stasis, too! Long live/love the sweet/salt feel, memory!
Pratima@each happiness of yesterday is a memory for today, tomorrow, and forever!
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