The Diwali Days

 Though the core days of the festival are yet to begin, Diwali is here. It was the Wasu-baras today. It is the day the cow and her calf are worshipped.

In my opinion, such a beginning of the festival is proof of its agrarian roots. With the kharip crop ready for winnowing, it is the time to express gratitude for the animal that is a farmer's best friend. Like the coconut tree, everything about a cow is helpful for a common farmer/villager. It is apparently proved scientifically that the cow milk is better content wise, and not only for the babies or the aged.

Beyond such utilitarian concerns, ancient or modern, I like the cow for her eyes. They are large, they are lustrous. But so are the eyes of a deer. In fact, thus are described the so called beautiful eyes in literature. In fact, the deer eyes, like a cow's, are innocent, too. 

But there is something unique about a cow's eyes. They have a very kind look. A cow's eyes are gentle beyond words. There is a kind of wise feel, a kind of genuine acceptance in/to a cow's eyes. The only other eyes that can come  closest to a cow's eyes are the eyes of a mother. Hence the day is a Celebration of motherhood in my opinion. If Padwa is for the couple relations, if bhaubeej is for the sibling relationship, the very first day of Diwali is for the tender Love of a mother.

That was why it was very tough, difficult for me. As it is, festivals always make you acutely aware of your loss. Given the association with motherhood, it was indeed tough for me. Kind gestures such as 'her' relatives sharing Diwali goodies makes you deeply feel your orphaned status. Whatever may be your age, the loss of parents is poignant. It is the only relationship in this vast, complex and often meaningless maze called life that can never ever be duplicated. Nor can 'that' love be ever 're-produced'!

Life goes on, it has to, for sure! The memory starts congealing in to a tender scab that, if worried just a little, can bleed, and badly. Thus Diwali's would come, but the tender grace of a kind look, that liked you despite all your faults and foibles, will never light up! That is the tragedy embedded in the Diwali feel this year.

Pratima@ millions of stars light up the sky/missing forever is my parents', my Aai's eye!